What does it mean to be happy? Thats the age old question and most people are still searching for the answer. Everyone has their own idea of what happiness is. For some people it’s being surrounded by incredible friends or being popular and liked by everyone. Or maybe it’s meeting the love of your life and being in a strong, loving Partnership. For others its more materialistic like having money and being financially stable to buy whatever the hell they want. Want that Lamborghini? Sure thing they’ll have it. Or maybe Happiness to you is a mix of many different facets of your life. A dash of friends, love and money all shaken up into one little Happiness cocktail.
Whatever your idea of Happiness is, it’s important to remember that Happiness does comes from within. The only person who can make you truly happy is you. It’s not about relying on someone else or materialistic things, yes sometimes those things may come as a package deal. These things may make you happy temporarily but they are not what creates and nurtures Happiness itself.
Learn from Happy People
We’ve all met that person that is just….happy. They just radiate good vibes wherever they go and it is completely infectious. Regardless of what life throws at them, they make the best of it. They just get on with life with a smile on their face. Yes deep down they may at times struggle, i mean they are only human after all. But regardless of if there is something bigger going on inside, you will never know that. Only they know and they don’t dwell on it. Their positivity and happiness continues to shines through even on their toughest days. They just fight a bit harder.
But the best thing about these people is the impact they have on the world and all those they rub shoulders with. Because you honestly can’t be anything but happy when you’re in the presence. Not because you have to but because it’s impossible not to be. They are like their own personal sunshine. If you have one of those people in your life, grab onto them and don’t let them go, they really are so special and you can learn so much from them. You really can learn so much from happy people. Yes Happiness comes from within and thats our own personal responsibility. But watching and learning from the happiness of others helps us carve out our own path to happiness.
First World Problems….Social Media
The problem we see in this day and age is that we now rely so much on getting validation from others. Social media has made this more possible than ever before. Whether thats people telling you that you look beautiful or your rocking that dress or maybe it’s being recognised for your successes. The real problem is that it’s a double edged sword. And the other edge of that sword can destroy our self esteem.
Don’t ever be that person who relies so much on what other people think. Do you. If people don’t like it fuck them. With that being said, if that sort of thing makes you happy and a more confident person then why the hell not. You have so much more to gain by being your own biggest fan. You do not need anyone’s approval except your own. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to be accepted and liked by others but its not the end of the world to be different and go against the grain.
The only validation you need is from you.
More often than not people who actively seek validation (whether thats subconsciously or not) are not being true to theirselves. In fact they are being a second rate version of someone else and yet wonder why they are not fulfilled or truly happy. And why would you be when you are living someone else’s life? It’s not authentic and its not you. Why be a second rate version of someone else when you can be a first rate version of yourself and stand out from the crowd.
Everyone is different as humans we are unique. No one person is the same. Although some people look alike or try to look alike there are many different traits we have that define us as an individual. And we should love ourselves and be loved just as we are. Mark Darcy got it in one when he told Bridget he liked her just as she was. Be a Bridget in a world of Kardashians.
But that being said it’s not alway easy to be happy, life tends to throw occasional curveballs our way to test our resilience and can leave most of us feeling, well pretty shit. Nothing in life is easy and its these little hurdles and our reaction to them, that can have a huge impact on our happiness. We shouldn’t let it completely define us or our happiness yet sometimes it can tough to rise above it. However where there is a problem, there is pretty much always a way to solve it, so here are 5 simple & effective ways to find your happy:
1. Choose Happiness
The most obvious and easiest way to find your happy is by choosing to be, yep you guessed it, happy. Re-establish your aim’s in life and make happiness your primary goal. By putting what makes you happy at the forefront of everything you do, you allow yourself to be open to letting happiness into your life. Whether thats doing something you enjoy or doing something that makes you feel pretty damn good, let the happiness in.
It could be making time to cook a healthy meal or taking 45 mins out of your day to get to your favourite spin class. This would enable you to lose that couple of extra lbs, you wanted to lose to make yourself feel better. Or maybe it’s sitting down to binge watch Game of Thrones with a nice cuppa because its an escape from reality and you enjoy experiencing a less mundane world. Whatever it is, take time out to nurture yourself. Me time is crucial.
It’s all too easy to get wrapped up in life, whether that be work, domestic responsibilities, looking after the kids or maybe it’s all 3 of those things. Whatever it is, it can be totally overwhelming and you can feel like you’re burning the candle at both ends. You can’t be super woman every day, as much its pretty cool being super woman most day. Sometimes you need that break to do you. It’s crucial to your mental health and to stop any resentful feelings creeping in. Know your worth, you are worth the sacrifice. I promise you, you won’t regret it.
2. Let go of your worries.
Worrying is by far one of the biggest culprits that destroys our self esteem and alter’s our perception of reality. Not only is it one of the main sources of stress but it is usually completely misplaced. Why? Because 90% of the time, whatever you are worried about never actually comes to fruition in the form you worried about anyway. Assumptions are the mother of all fuck ups after all.
When something goes wrong in our life or we find ourselves in a situation we are uncomfortable being in, we tend to fall deeper into negative thinking cycles and zone in on worst case scenario’s. Whenever we start to think the worst, usually this is outcome is overly exaggerated to fit our most negative self’s perception of what is going to hurt us the most. More often than not there is an explanation for the circumstance and your worries are just that. Worries.
Worrying all the time is so toxic to our mental health. The bottom line is, what is the point in worrying? If something is going to happen, it will happen. Yes how you react or behave can impact the direction of the journey taken but no amount of worrying will change the outcome. And if it doesn’t happen (which 9 times out of 10 it doesn’t) then you’ve caused yourself unnecessary hardship for absolutely nothing. There is zero payoff for worrying so nip it in the bud early.
Whatever happens ask yourself if you could survive the outcome. I guarantee you can. Yes it may feel like it will hurt you but you know you will come out the other side and are mentally prepared if the time comes. The likelihood is it will never be as you expect so thats also another bonus..
3. Be an Optimist.
Happiness and positivity go hand in hand. They are like bread and butter or Bacon and eggs. They are made for each other. There is no place for negative thoughts in a happy mind. Like attract likes, the same goes for thoughts. Negative thoughts attract negative thoughts and vice versa. If you focus on the positive thoughts it makes it so much easier to stay positive.
It takes alot of mindfulness and awareness to keep on top of positive thoughts and eradicate negative thoughts early on but the rewards are so worth it. Yes you can’t be positive all the time and there will be some aspects of your life that leave you feeling dissatisfied or unhappy but its how your perceive these events that can change your life.
In these circumstances try to put a positive spin on what has happened. Maybe you interviewed for a job you really wanted and you didn’t get it. Thats fine, it happens. Don’t dwell on it but take it and use this to build yourself up for the next bigger and better thing. Maybe you didn’t get the job because it wasn’t the right time and there is something better lined up for you in the future. Just because it doesn’t happen right now doesn’t mean it’s never going to happen or another amazing job won’t come along. It will, it’s just not your time.
By remaining positive you keep yourself open to other opportunities. So do yourself a favour and let those opportunities in.
4. Stop comparing yourself to others.
The Green eyed Monster isn’t pretty, jealousy and envy are usually feelings we experience when we constantly compare ourselves to others. Not only that but it also massively dents our self esteem when we see people living the life that we want, while our life has taken a different direction. To stop comparing ourselves to others is one of the hardest changes to make. In 2019 we are more aware than ever before of what other people are doing because we constantly see peoples lives played out on social media. Whilst other people’s lives may look perfect from the outside, remember the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and we only see what those people want us to see. Nothing is always as it appears and there usually is something else going on that we are completely unaware of.
Yes maybe someone has just bought a beautiful 6 bedroom house with furnishings that you only see in magazines. Or Another person has just coughed up serious dough to buy a Mclaren P1. Don’t sit and think how you don’t have those things. Everyone takes different paths in life and how things work out is different for everyone.
Your time will come
Everyone does things or gets to certain points in their life at different times. Just because right now you don’t have that doesn’t make your life inferior. Nor does it means that your life will never improve for you to have those things. Or it could be that you’re not destined for those things because you’re on track for something that in your opinion is more valuable. Maybe there is something you have that they don’t and would love to have. That person could have your dream house but be incredibly lonely and have noone to share that with. So appreciate what you have. There is always someone out there who may be worse off than you at that particular moment in time.
Too much competition can ruin your peace of mind. Focus on you and your goals. Respect your own achievements and successes.
5. Form Realistic Expectations.
One of the main causes of unhappiness is setting your personal expectations too high. Sometimes we set the bar too high for ourselves that its unachievable and out of reach due to our current circumstances. Now there is nothing wrong with aiming high at all as long as we remember to be realistic. Alot of our success is dependant on time and the resources we have available to us. It’s true what they say that expectations can lead to disappointment.
When we set super high expectations its because we idealise the ‘perfect’ outcome, we assume that in order to feel successful, we need a specific result. We need to get the promotion, or we’ve failed. We need to lose those extra lbs and fit into that size 10 pair of jeans, or we’re failures. This is hard way to live and it’s also needless pressure. Even if we do reach that pot of gold, there’s always another bigger pot of gold around the corner. It never stops. We never stop. And it’s exhausting.
Don’t be too hard on yourself
Rome was not built in a day. Whilst its good to challenge yourself mentally and physically there is a limit. If you are satisfied, you are likely to be happy. Yes you should want to aim high but theres aiming high and aiming for the impossible. And holding yourself accountable for not making it to where you want to be is a one way ticket to misery and unhappiness. And its not cool to feel that way or to be so hard on yourself.
Working towards realistic goals is the best way to cultivate happiness since you pursue the things that bring you joy. You should always shoot for the moon and if you don’t make it you will find yourself in the stars. It’s ok to not make it, when you look back, you will see how far you’ve come and thats pretty incredible in itself. Remember you can always try again. Yes you might not be exactly where you want to be but as long as you are moving forward you are succeeding. Don’t beat yourself up. Look at what you really want and see yourself getting it. Many people avoid this process because they don’t want to be disappointed if things don’t work out.
The truth is that imagining getting what you want is a big part of achieving it. You’ve got this, just be a bit easier on yourself.
This could Totally be you.
So there you have it, 5 Simple and effective ways to Find Your Happy. Happiness really does come from within and it is entirely down to you how happy you want to be in your life
Now you don’t have to try all of these but they are are a good place to start. There are so many different ways we can find joy in our lives. Why not start now and reap the rewards?
Have you found your happy? Let me know in the comments below 🙂